Five Reasons Why Sunday Night is the Loneliest Time for Working Moms--and What to Do About It

After a beautiful day of fun, accidents, messes, cuddles, and all around love, Sunday night is the LONELIEST TIME FOR WORKING MOMS.

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Let's be clear, I wouldn't have it any other way, but knowing that you are about to wear so many hats during the week is hard for several reasons. 

1. It's Hard Filling Your Own Bucket While Momming

Let's face it, little kids need constant attention and focus on anything else for too long is either impossible or dangerous. And even while not watching them, I am making sure I order medicine, have enough diapers, and make calls to set up a doctor's appointment. These caregiver tasks don't end. Then, once the kids fall asleep, it's hard addressing my own tasks that I neglected for a while. Showers, planning out my week, writing a to do list, stretching, those things take time and are very hard to do within the small window between the kids' bedtime and my bedtime. It's just a space of alone time in my planner.

2. You Still Have Hopes and Dreams for Meaningful Social Interactions

I don't want to be melodramatic, but I still have things that I would like to complete in life like save the planet a little more, advance my career, travel, etc. And it is my non-parent friends that unabashedly talk about these things and I find a lot of common ideas, but not a lot of common free time to get into deep conversations on a regular basis. We end up bonding over our weekend projects instead through pictures and limited texting (please see number one about focus).

3. Getting Mentally Ready for the Week

I'm getting ready to juggle, my partner and I or our care giver team need to huddle up and know the game plan or someone will fumble a proverbial ball. One or two fumbles will not ruin a week, but little mishaps here and there add up until I'm are ready to count down to Friday.

I also have to switch personalities. No one wants to hear how potty training my child is going besides maybe another parent at work. I'm not saying you have to fake a stan level of interest in a sport or a movie, but it's time to put the "mom plus" personality away for the week because it does distract from the team dynamic at work. And also--people are shallow and generally don't value accidents involving bodily fluids. 

4. Then Sometimes, It's the Work You Have to Start Before Monday Ever Comes

There are a billion little tasks that need to get done as part of being a functioning person in society. These include regular doctors appointments, car service appointments, health and beauty appointments (self-care), and regular home repairs. Whether big or small, these errands and responsibilities carve away from the work week.

As a result, I want to get ahead before I can get behind. I also prefer to read important documents without kids crying and giggling in the background. Nights are perfect for first read overs, edits, and first email drafts.

5. Back to Number Two

It takes time to save the world, or to learn a new skill that can set you apart when you're back behind that computer. It's hard feeling like another weekend has passed and you are no where near where you wanted to be, and that's okay. I just feel empty compared to that energy boost I feel when I finish a big home or hobby project. 

 

What to Do About It

 

I bet you can already tell that I love numbers, so here are some suggestions without much order:

1. Do one minute of a hobby or home project. Be honest with yourself, you weren't going to install those solar panels yourself anyway. And you would have taken some time and thought about your choices before committing to a big project like this in the first place.

2. Learn to ignore anything that is not urgent. I am behind on Christmas cards and Christmas presents. It was just 2020 outside, I know people who did "everything right" and their stuff still arrived late and they are behind too. 

3. If your primary love language is quality time or words of affirmation, try out converting it to something that fits current COVID guidance. Words of affirmation can be completed on social media or over mail with cards. Quality time might be possible through refined coordination with friends and family about watching movies and shows at similar times or seeing each other while socially distancing. 

4. Instead of staying up late to work, focus twice as hard when you are at work and you can make every minute work a bit extra. 

5. Fill your bucket without apologizing. And figure out a way to fill your bucket faster and deplete is slower during the day. Sleep, hygiene, beauty, what ever it is. It is worth it. And the biggest investment that you can make is in yourself. This might be meal planning to include a decadent dessert after kids' bedtime.   

Baby Bottles Revisited: What I Learned From My Babies

Bottles. Bottles. Bottles.

I feel like my little ones have taught me more than any site. So I wanted to update the initial article I wrote about our experience with bottles.

 

 

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1. The Perfect Bottle Changes with Age

 

What you might like in a bottle as a caregiver, might not be the same thing that a baby likes in a bottle. 

And over time, their taste in bottles outweigh yours.

 

While babies may develop long-lasting tastes from their newborn stage, I find that many things change in regards to their taste in this staple baby product. 

 

The biggest change that I have seen has been going from a caregiver holding a bottle to a baby holding a bottle unassisted. This is huge and it puts all of the control into the baby's hands. 

 

Some babies might hold just about any bottle very well, but I have found that smooth silicone bottles were very hard for my baby to hold. 

 

The Comotomo bottle comes to mind here. My youngest now drinks out of it using the sippy cup pieces sold separately that include handles. While I loved how easy it was to clean it and how "modern" it looked,my little one liked the extra attachments and the BIG BOY sippy cup.

 

His favorite is still the Kiinde system bottle that is easy to hold. And I am of course the bad guy because we are heading out of our breastfeeding stage.

 

2. Bottles are Hard

 

Y'all. I'm getting so close to just using sippy cups. I can feel those extra minutes slipping into my morning routine. 

 

While lots of bottles available these days are easy to clean and don't include too many parts, bottles are still less convenient than sippy cups. Yes, they are against Montessori best practices, but sippy cups also help keep my home and my kids cleaner and drier than cups.

 

Back to bottles. The most complicated thing about bottles is using powder formula that goes into the bottle. The powder formula typically comes with a measuring spoon, but it only fits some bottles perfectly to avoid spillage. 

 

While the Mixie has helped my first son, I cannot use this bottle with my youngest for reasons...

3. Some Babies are Chuggers

One fun thing that I learned is that some babies are very aggressive chuggers and "cutting them off" with a bottle of smaller volume might be a good practice. (We have had multiple spit-ups from drinking too much too fast and even a few more extensive events.)

4. There are Things Babies Look for in Bottles 

If my baby had a chance to design his own bottle it would be easy to grip, light-weight, and would double up as a teething toy.

Gingerbread Man Christmas Tree Ornaments with Customized Tags

 

 One tradition that we started in our home was making Christmas tree ornament gifts "from our children." Our firs baby's first Christmas ornament "gifts" were handprints and footprints in red and green. This was nearly a hassle free project and I was hooked. The next project was a bit more elaborate, and nearly from scratch. 

These were a lot of effort to make, but were worth the result. I had completed the gingerbread man outline and I had let my toddler decide on the decorations that I had glued on using hot glue. 

Below are the instructions used to create these ornaments.

 

 I also wanted to make sure that the tags were customized. A tag die and a small tag hole punch were used to create the shape out of heavy scrap-booking paper. I then used small Recollections stamps to write the giver and recipients. 

 

 

 Finally, I added some fun to the tags by using my child's favorite stamp. 

 

 

 

An Honest Usborne Book Review

I first came across Usborne books when one of my friends asked if I would go to an Usborne book party that she was a virtual host for.

Before that, most books companies that I was aware of were the big publishing houses that filled big book stores, used bookstores, and school book fairs alike. 

I do not need an excuse to buy children's books because we read books throughout the day. I quickly picked out some books that were interactive and accessible for my child at the time. 

I received the books and we have enjoyed many evenings touching textured pages and lifting flaps.

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The books vary in subject, targeted age range, and quality. The prices reflect this. 

The touchy-feely book that I own is an amazing quality with thick pages. The illustrations that accessible to babies who may not be able to see in full colors. And I appreciate that it was made for babies instead of the adults.

I want to be very honest when I say that the illustrations are not unique works of art exactly. The artwork is made to stand up to repeated wear and tear though. And that is most important to me right now. This might be a skewed view since I did not get any thematically intricate books like a fairy tale.

The drawback to these books is that they do thrive in an MLM structure. The MLM business structure makes me wary. And I will tell you why. Usborne books are everywhere online, in big box stores, and at virtual MLM parties. I feel like all of these platforms compete with one another and I genuinely feel like the "book people" should get a fraction of all generic online sales since they are the ones doing the majority of detailed marketing. 

Even as I write this, there is a list of books that I want to get and I also have a "maybe" future list depending on what my kids get into as they get older. 

All that said, I have heard some concerns and a bit of conflict from independent authors and illustrators who find that these books can overwhelm regional small business fairs to the point that it is harder for local authors to compete at the very events that were essentially designed for them. So knowing this, I hope that anyone reading this article spends additional effort sleuthing online for local authors and independent authors in addition to these wonderful books.

In particular, I think it is important to shop for books where illustrations jump of the pages, especially in this day and age where parents are discouraged from taking their children to museums. I think that illustrators are amazing and it is important to seek books that support illustrators. Also, I feel it is important to ensure that my bookshelf includes books with characters that look like my child as well as characters who that do not look like my child. 

Being a Better Parent While Doing Less the Right Way

We are in our own little bubble right now. We are socially distancing, wearing masks, and keeping our public outings to a livable minimum. 

With all of that in mind, I definitely feel like my little ones are not getting the proper socialization that they deserve to develop good communication skills, manners, and self-esteem. 

I found myself in the same shoes of other parents who claimed that their older children have regressed in their development due to the observation and then mimicry of their little sibling demanding everything and getting everything within reason. 

Just the other day my child demanded that I should get something for him from the fridge. Mind you, he does not have any issues with opening, finding, and getting what he wants. He just knows that his brother gets all that he needs just by babbling. And here my toddler was using full sentences with his whole heart. Surely, he was going to get some string cheese. 

No. 

No he was not. 

A long time ago, reading "Montessori from the Start" Taught me that it is easier to be a servant to a child than a teacher and parent. While I will give him all of the love in his own love language, I will try my best to do less.

And that is not a bad thing when done right. 

Regardless of parenting style, what we know, deep down, is that we are preparing our children to live in a time, place, and culture without us. This might be 5 feet away when they have their first playground altercation, or 500 miles away when they more away from home, or this might be the ever so depressing "without us" that I don't want to think about. 

The more they start learning useful and practical life skills, the easier the parents' lives will become and the more the child can learn more and increasingly complicated skills. 

Right now my pet peeve is potty training, but honestly, if I can get my child to learn his morning routine and the cues involved with everything except that, my life would be so much easier. So that is my goal for now and this coming year. I want to enable my child to do more self-care and eating tasks without my supervision. 

My ideal would be to build confidence over time in my child so that one day, when he can work with very hot foods, my husband and I can sleep in and to wake up to complete and delicious breakfast breakfast. A Mama can dream right?

 

The Story of Mothers in Little Fires Everywhere

 

First Impressions of Little Fires Everywhere

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Reading "Little Fires Everywhere" by Celeste Ng was a beautiful experience and I wanted to dive into it from a parenting perspective. 

Please be forewarned, there are spoilers ahead.

While intertwined relationships between teenagers is the main focus, and Shaker Heights, a setting that can be a character, attempts to steal the spotlight where possible, the book is fundamentally about motherhood. About parenthood. About that nuance of human cycles and conversely unprecedented futures that comes with each new generation. 

This book would have wound up in a recommended school book report list had it been written a hundred years ago. I have heard a book reviewer say that the sentence structures could be better. I understand the sentiment, but I often find that a signature of the author features the author's weaknesses just as much as strengths. For example, while I highly enjoy Edith Wharton's work, I cannot, for the life of me, imagine a map or directions of any location within some of her key works. And that is okay. I prefer her descriptions of human nature under specific circumstances to the most riveting land survey.

Celeste Ng's characters escape from the page as fleshed out people without divulging every single tidbit of life history. The interactions are full and while authentic to their time, place, and culture, are universal enough that a few changes in slang and peripheral details would be enough to transfer this story in time and geography.  

Parenting in Little Fires Everywhere

So back to parenting in "Little Fires Everywhere." While it is impossible to outright name each mother within this book a bad parent exactly, there are little red flags here and there that often resemble the red flags in real life. And I loved that. Not only is parenting a teenager one of the most difficult aspects of parenting, but also being a human being while parenting is a challenge not too small.

Even the most perfect parents carry red flags with them and make mistakes. And that's okay. 

Elena Richardson and Mia Warren are portrayed as complimentary forces in parenting. 

Elena Richardson

Elena Richardson had pursued preparing the space for the child and had followed this course to completion as part of the philosophy she adopted from her planned Shaker Heights setting. She had let her career, while impressive, stagnate compared to those of her peers. 

She had come back to Shaker following schooling, ready to start the next chapter of her life. And while this preparation is elaborate, all of this preparation goes against "following the child," a key Montessori motto.

The main takeaways from Elena's parenting style is that there is not much flexibility. There is not a lot of room for mistakes because the preparation had eliminated as many opportunities for mistakes as possible. 

One heartbreaking moment is realizing that while Elena has written the plan for her own children in stone regardless of how well it works out for them, she is more than willing to help other parents realize plans for their children that work for them. For example, she was more than willing to help a friend get her daughter into an all-girls school that was better for her education. Now it is not clear if this option is better just on paper or genuinely better for the child in real life, but it is already a red flag that Elena does not entertain even a glimmer of an idea like that for Izzy until the plot rolls out through the book. And then, it is much too late.

Mia Warren

By contrast Mia Warren provided and prepared many spaces showing her child the different ways to live in one country and how unique the landscapes, people, and even the sky can be. The comfort provided seemed very essential, instead of absolute. The complete lack of "following the child" is a stark contrast to Elena Richardson's methods and while it would be considered quirky to say the least by the current interpretation of the Montessori method, I can see a fierce follow the child aspect. Key examples include Mia using a sling when her child did not want to be put down, taking on jobs that allowed her to be close to her child, and letting her child mold oneself in the short term without judgement. 

Mia's frequent moves take away any long-term environment from her child and give her child additional challenges in life. Her child is not able to establish long-term relationships, develop a support system other than her mother, or develop traditionally rewarded academic and extracurricular activities for college admissions. 

One heartbreaking, yet completely glossed over point in the book, is the fact that we know that Pearl had the writing abilities to get into a prestigious university. After all, her essay had helped someone else get in. But it is doubtful that Pearl's application would have reflected the grades and involvement typically associated with stellar applications. After all, it is 2020 and parents have gotten into trouble for forging their children's extracurricular involvement. We know this matters, and we know it is hard to build this consistency in new places. 

Both Mothers are Goals and Both are Cautionary Tales

I wanted to provide a comfortable home for my children to thrive in. I also had seen what multiple moves do to a child's academic progress as a tutor and from my own experience. And yet, I want to show the world to my children that I was lucky enough to experience. Yes, consistently developing a know-how in academics or sports is important, but there is so much of the world to experience that is far more personally rewarding.

Mia's life is enviable despite it being opposite to the suburban living ideal. And as a parent in 2020, it's easy to see why. Pre-COVID, it was not surprising to see school shooting events in the news. Surely, doing remote schooling while traveling sounded a lot better than looming fears and sporadic school drills. Even the most prestigious suburb- or any setting that can be its own character- does not guarantee safety from school shooters or other violence.

 

 

 

Using Jordan Page’s Block Schedule with Some Edits

It is a night at home, my list of "quiet," after-bedtime chores are finished. I have retired to reading and writing for the night. These are my two passions in between busy routines. 

And I wanted to share one method to add a bit of routine, efficiency, and quality to your day. It is Jordan Page's Block Schedule. You can read about it on her website here. 

In the article and the YouTube video, she outlines how a daily schedule is similar to a class schedule in high school. She then goes to separate her day into "Blocks" that make sense for her daily life centered around being an active person, a mother, a wife, a homemaker, a friend, and a relative.

What I loved most about this approach was that not one of these roles was taken for granted, put on the proverbial back burner of life. And that got me to fully pay attention. 

Her schedule of Blocks includes carved out hours either defined by external responsibilities or personal preference when she commits to specific tasks and once the "Block" is over, she moves onto a different task without dwelling. 

So, I tried it. And I loved it. 

I specifically loved it because it was a really good way to adjust to a more hectic morning routine. 

My particular Blocks are different between weekdays and weekends, with the exception of vacations and holidays.

My weekday routine is as follows:

Block 1: 1 to 2 hours

1. Wake up

2. Get ready

3. Get the kids ready (hygiene, vitamins, medicine)

4. Change diapers/take trips to the potty

5. Have breakfast

6. Prepare pumping equipment

7. Prepare bottles and daycare necessities

8. Prepare to leave by putting on shoes and outer wear

9. Drop children off at daycare

Block 2: 9 hours

1. Complete emails

2. Setup meetings

3. Work on long-term projects

4. Break for lunch and pump

5. Work on short-term projects

6. Attend meetings

7. Work on any projects that are due

8. Coordinate with clients and internal teams

Block 3: 2 hours

1. Pick up children from daycare

2. Come home

3. Have dinner

4. Do dishes

5. Play with children until bedtime

6. Change diapers, complete trips to the potty 

7. Help Baby 1 with nighttime routine

8. Settle Baby 2 to bed

Block 4: 3 hours

1. Decompress

2. Complete any necessary or not necessary chores

3. Read

4. Write

5. Play the Sims

6. Plan the day for tomorrow

7. Catch up with friends over zoom

8. Shower

9. Get ready for bed

Block 5: 8 hours

1. Sleep 

2. Wake up again and again as needed

I followed this schedule and although I vary my routine during the weekend, especially when I can have a few more minutes of sleep, I love the structure during my weekdays. 

Following this block schedule I know that I haven't forgotten something along the way like vitamins or medicine. This Block schedule is also a great way to share parenting or caregiver duties since it shows everything that the child needs to have in a day and what a parent or caregiver needs to do to facilitate activities.

As you can see, or imagine, I do not get to do my entire Block 4 in 3 hours each day. I would need more hours. And that's okay. I end up doing what suits the evening the best. Most of the time that is listening to an audio book and writing since I end up moving quite a lot at work and while playing with my children. 

I think one of the great takeaways from Jordan Page's block schedule is that I end up building healthy boundaries in my day for mental health. While I do not compartamentalize 100%, I do put limits on the ammount of chores I do during the day while the kids are awake so that I can play with them more. 

Since I have young children who always want me to play with them, I have this fear that once they are old enough, maybe well in their teenage years, that they will not want me to play with them, or talk to them as much. So I try to maximize our time with quality time. And I figured I could do chores during the day at some point later in life when my children are not interested in playing with toys or hide and seek, or peekaboo. 

Another great takeaway is the capacity to slowly build a schedule over time. It takes a while to get the whole family used to something and this way, you have a few broad strokes that you can then develop further into more granular detail. For example, I would like to have some help with chores once each child in my family has reached a necessary maturity level. Well, they cannot learn if they do not ever see the chore being done, if they do not participate in the chore, if they do not undertstand all of the actions associated with completing the chore. Therefore, some chores will start to be completed during the morning or the evening to start incorporating these chores into my family's routine instead of just my routine.

Maternity Wardobe Additions for a Fall/Winter Pregnancy

 

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You don't have to buy an all new wardrobe in order to look stylish while pregnant.

If you are a clothing minimalist, or if you want to dress yourself without breaking the bank, this post is for you!

First and foremost, I want to say that most social media regarding pregnancy is a lot of lies. No one wears a maternity gown every day. Most expecting parents wear loose clothing that still fits from their non-maternity wardrobe until there is no choice but to wear maternity or otherwise over-sized clothing if maternity is not your cup of tea.

Outerwear

Second, yes, if you are going to be nine months pregnant during the winter then you will need a coat or a very, very warm wool sweater that fits over your belly and then some. There is no way around it in a cold climate. 

I would usually say that if you intend on taking walks, even if it's from your car to your destination that it is worth splurging on something comfortable. This being 2020 with outings limited due to COVID-19, it makes less sense to get something aesthetically appealing and more practical, social distance activity-friendly options seem like the best choice. 

Jeans and Pants

If you use the popular and brilliant rubber band technique or the belly bandit, then you might be able to spend the majority of your pregnancy in your favorite, non-maternity, jeans. 

Jeans are very practical and I placed these on my list because I wore them at least three times a week during the second and third trimesters.

If you work outside of the home where business attire is the norm, you will have to purchase enough office friendly bottoms. More often than not, business and business casual clothing is less friendly to the life hacks such as the rubber band or the belly bandit. 

One of my favorite shopping moments was finding a pair of Loft Maternity pants at a thrift store for maternity wear. It was a steal for the price, and although they were a bit tight in the ninth month of pregnancy, I love these pants and still wear them almost a year postpartum.

Nursing Tanks

If you are also planning to breastfeed, this is a good investment now. These tanks tend to run long and they will be the go to top after your baby is born. You might want to get some ahead of time now and have additional undergarments. These tanks tend to stretch.

Leggings 

Leggings are essential for the winter time to go under dresses. And if you are following your doctor's recommendations of doing light exercise, you need to supplement your athleisure with maternity choices during pregnancy. You don't even have to get maternity leggings although they are a big plus. If there is a non-maternity pattern or style that you like, you might be able to size up and wear them up to your due date, it all depends on the material and the clothing brand.

Dresses

Dresses are underrated as maternity wear. I love sweater dresses or wrap dresses because they will stretch. 

Shirts and Sweaters

While I highly suggest re-purposing your own pieces, it might be a good idea to have a few key shirts and sweaters ready to go for just about any activity. There is only so far that re-purposing can go. And sometimes, it makes sense to be put together just a little more.

I think sweaters are a good investment in general and they don't have to be maternity. A cozy wool or cashmere blend sweater will always come handy while sipping coco by a campfire or taking a brisk walk long after the baby is born. 

As someone who is naturally always a bit cold, I want to point out that Merino wool, machine cold-washable wool, is a great investment and will stay warm even when wet. It will always be worth the initial investment without the headache of dry-cleaning. 

Open Faced Cardigans

While this might look like an ordinary sweater, it is more of a maternity wear power house. These cardigans can often effectively shield a pregnant belly from the elements without having to be a maternity item. 

They are easy layers to put on and take off and will serve time and time again during pregnancy and long after the baby is born. 

If you live in milder climates, these pieces can be your outerwear layer. 

Comfortable Sleepwear

This last essential addition to the maternity wardrobe is comfortable, breathable sleepwear. The final trimester is not a comfortable destination. You need all of the comfort so that you can get the rest that you need and deserve. 

Also, chances are that when your baby does come, you want to be as comfortable as possible. 

To be fair, most Mamas I know tend to "borrow" an oversized shirt from their husbands, but it is far better to get your own.  

 

Preparing Your Space the Montessori Way For Adults

What I love most about the Montessori method is not the floor bed or the ways that kids can learn independence, but what it can do for the mother or the caregiver. 

The Montessori method allows the parents to reexamine their spaces and assess challenges not only for their children, but also for themselves. The home either serves as an asset or a liability for the life of the family. 

Sure, if spaces are not prepared for the children inhabiting them, the child eventually learns to move past or over or under the obstacles. And if that doesn't happen, the child can simply grow up. However, obstacles that can have a lasting impact on the parents, mamas, or caregivers are those rarely noticed because we, as adults, simply get used to them.

How often have we found a chore not done, a home not ready for visitors, or just a home with things out of place to the point that it bothers us? Or how often have we had everything in its place and it was just too hard to setup equipment like art supplies for a hobby because your home was not built or setup with fun in mind?

Preparing a space is a luxury in itself. In those precious, and at times rare, situations when we get to prepare our environment, it is amazing what we can achieve by removing some of these challenges.

The home defines what happens in it. It might be a hook onto which keys can be easily placed, saving time and energy for other activities. Or it could be readily accessible towels for those toddlers and preschoolers to clean up their messes with relative ease. It could be a few toys out of place that are obstacles to adults and children alike during the morning. It could be an accessible pantry, making it easy to plan and make meals. 

Like many mommy bloggers, I am over 25, and I still think that I can benefit from preparing my space so that I can have a slightly more fulfilling life.

So I am off on my journey, I am going to report back in weekly increments. Stay Tuned!