The 7 Secrets to Happiness on Mondays as a Working Mama

Being a working mother is a beautiful thing. And yet, it does not look like it on Mondays. Sometimes it doesn't look like that on other days of the week either. 

Mondays are like the first game of the season for the week. It seems to layout a certain flow to the rest. That's why having it go well is a wonderful gift. 

I used to hate Mondays up until just about recently. Funny enough, these are also the years that I have accepted more responsibility in my home life and in my professional career. By all accounts, I should be having miserable mornings full of spilled, cold coffee on business casual clothes, multiple diaper changes, and dramatic scenes at maximum volume.

And while those Mondays happen as well, I am pleased to say that my mornings typically function smoothly. Or smoothly enough. Here are 7 secrets to finding that elusive happiness on a Monday morning.

1. The No-Brainer Secret

This one is a baseline secret, but here it is, Get into Your Flow.

Here is a good video on what is flow and I will try to paraphrase it in Mama terms with concrete examples. Flow is being completely involved in the task at hand with the ego forgotten. Flow is being really good at sorting laundry when you focus on it. Flow is listening to your child talk about a story and bonding. 

Flow can happen on Monday mornings. 

My Flow is borrowed from habits established from wearing many hats and the wonderful and very helpful Jordan Page's Block Schedule idea.  

It is much easier to be happy, relaxed, and focused when you know exactly what you have to do and how to do it. 

I find my Flow from knowing my what I need to do in the morning. There is a checklist in my head that I go through before anyone leaves the house. And there are so-called blocks or periods of wearing certain hats, like my make believe firefighter hat or my chef hat. 

I call this the no-brainer secret because there is no overthinking involved. People reach a state of Flow when they are doing tasks and activities that are second nature to them in that moment in time. 

2. Your Phone is Not Your Friend

There are so many things to unpack here. I am not saying that browsing social media and connecting with people is wrong. Checking email first thing in the morning is also not inherently wrong. 

It is the habit for habit's sake that is the problem. It creates an odd family culture in your household where your child might learn very early on that being physically there is not the same as being mentally or emotionally present.

So if you can be there mentally and emotionally for your child while looking at 3 screens and making dinner, then all is good. 

I know for myself that my minutes can escape me as I scroll through social media.

I try my hardest to avoid this. 

It is also a lot harder to do things in the morning when you are not mentally and emotionally in your same space.

I am trying to cutback on my phone use and when I do, I notice my mind come to a healthier place. I am not curious to know what 800 of my closest friends--some of whom I've only met once or haven't talked to since high school--are doing. And my phone transforms into a pocket reference to the rest of the world instead of an invisible net that is tying up my morning routine. 

3. The Morning Routine

Speaking of the morning routine, it is crucial. 

And here I am a stereotypical mother who loves her morning routine. We all recommend a good morning routine because it works. 

It's not really a secret, but it is detrimentally underrated that it might as well be one. A routine is not meant to remove any spontaneity from your life, but instead is meant to take out a lot of the bad possibilities.

4. Not Starting Behind

It is a wonderful feeling not running behind on chores, social obligations, or work deadlines. It is an amazing feeling not drowning in tasks, but instead having the time and opportunity to enjoy them in a state of flow. 

A very easy thing that you can do is to prepare bottles ahead of time or meals ahead of time as much as possible. Another thing is to take care of one weekly chore per night. And yet another thing is to complete some reading either for personal growth, a book club, or for professional reasons.  

The next aspect of this secret is one that unfortunately cannot be changed with just an "abundance" mindset. It's about having resources. There is a certain amount of basic resources or necessities you need like food, clothing, shelter, and safety that is necessary. 

For example, if you do not have food in your home, then you are behind sustenance for the morning. And in fact, it is usually the tangible and intangible resource deficits that make us miserable on Mondays. I hope that everyone reading this has their basic necessities on every day of the week. And same goes for people not reading this entry as well.  

5. Planning for Something Fun, Exciting or Comforting

It is good to look forward to something. So it makes my Monday better to look forward to a visit from family or catching up with a friend. 

I don't know who needs to hear this, but you should not reserve a bit of a reprieve from your daily grind ONLY for when everything is perfect. Chances are that perfect will never come. It is necessary to keep your bucket full. And filling your bucket is just as important as making sure your children are well-fed, clothed, and have their emotional needs met. 

I enjoy reading for enjoyment, catching up with friends, and taking bubble baths. You might enjoy something else. 

6. Make it a Game

As a Mama, I know what it is like to have your days melt together. With everyone spending more time at home on zoom calls instead of physical events and meetings, it is a lot easier to lose track of time. That is why I have a simple mental tool for how to avoid the old adage of "the years are short, but the days are long," Make. It. A. Game.

While this is not the best analogy, add some way to quantify an aspect of your day and make a goal. Then, give yourself a reward for it. Did you have nothing but patience as your child had a meltdown at a park after you spent hours planning and buying tickets? And did you not lose your head? Great! Give yourself a sticker, add a dollar to your savings account. Something. Find a way to measure your progress on your journey and most importantly celebrate each step.

7. Practice and Repeat

I am borrowing a lesson that was passed onto me from a very brilliant woman. And I am going to do my best to paraphrase it.

The first time that you do something that you have true talent in, you think you are going to be awesome at it. But no, the first time you do anything, even if you have talent in it, you are going to blow it and it will go horribly. 

 

Life takes practice. And the funny thing about being a mama, a mommy, or a mom, is that the title might stay the same, but our lives might change drastically from one week to the next. And as parents, we keep having these "firsts" that go horribly because we did not have enough practice of these new firsts. 

 

So practice and repeat. It will get better. 

What No One Told Me About Breastfeeding

I had read countless blogs and forums on breastfeeding. And when it was time for my milk to come in and start this beautiful journey, I had many appointments with lactation consultants. On top of that, I had family and friends who had walked me through cluster feeding and my milk finally coming in.

And after the ups and downs of breastfeeding my first child, I thought I was an old soul when it came time to breastfeed my second child. After all, I was a veteran breastfeeding Mama who spent countless hours in bathrooms, nursing rooms, doctors offices, and my home either breastfeeding or pumping breastmilk for my baby.

And just like that, my milk actively came in much faster with my second baby. I don't think I used any formula to supplement this time. I felt at ease. 

The oxytocin produced during the feedings was needed amidst the chaos of becoming a family of four in forced isolation due to COVID-19 (thanks 2020). I can still remember that feeling as I navigated the postpartum discomforts and new life adjustments.

And here we are with still so many surprises. I wanted to make a short list of surprises I learned while breastfeeding.

 

No One Told Me Children Can be Ready to Move on Without You

My second child is a baby led weaning kid. Here I had this tiny human envying our every single meal. And after he grew his first tooth, he would get actively upset about being excluded from meals. We made it ritual to introduce new foods to him even if only in taste.

He adapted to cow's milk without a blink. And he adapted to water and the sippy cup without many issues. 

Most importantly, he hasn't met a food he didn't like. 

Which brings me to now. No one told me that my child would be the one shrinking my breastmilk supply and not the other way around to "wean" the baby off breastmilk. 

No One Told Me About the Absolute Discomfort Before My Milk Fully Came In

I’ve seen terms like “pain” and ”engorgement” floating around forums, but I had never thought in a million years that it was going to hurt to feed my baby. Or to out on clothes, move around, or just take a shower. 

I remember struggling to feed my baby. I remember my child being hungry and having to supplement with formula. Lots of sleepless nights full of feedings and washing bottles were a new kind of routine. But what I also remember was the absolute discomfort as my milk first came in. 

I think every body is different and no one wants to talk about the discomforts of breastfeeding in order to it scare anyone away, but it’s there at first for some.

Thankfully, this was not the experience with my second child. 

No One Told Me That Babies Can Have Favorite Bottles

It's the grip. Dare I say more? 

The bottle that is the easiest to grasp and hold wins. 

And this requires me to update my original Baby Bottles article with an update. Maybe I should just write a new one, "Bottles Preferred by Babies." The small glass bottles are too heavy. The soft bottles in the shape of an oval don't have the grip. And, insert sarcastic "who knew" that the Kiinde bottle system, the one I used almost exclusively for breastmilk was the favorite and easiest to grasp. Perhaps it became my child's favorite because it was a "sure thing" without a bad surprise of formula once my breastmilk supply dropped from hormonal changes and stress. 

No One Told Me Busy Babies Don't Follow the Same Schedule 

This was a blessing, let me explain. I like to go out into parks and nature that still has enough of an audience and enough of natural dangers that I don't feel comfortable juggling a breastfeeding baby and an active toddler. Sure I could pack a bottle, but then I would have to either train my child to drink cold milk or carry an additional thermos with hot water. 

I was very lucky and blessed that as long as my child was not bored, e.g. we were exploring a lake and there were geese and people fishing and hiking, I was fine. He didn't care for food. And then he adjusted to being hungry when we got home without a change in attitude. And I know why this is happening, we have night feedings and he never goes without although I know that his body can be trained in time. 

No One Told Me Feedings Laying Down Are Easier

It happened by accident with my first. He was laying beside me and just found his way. And that was how I realized that I got a break by feeding while laying down!

Not all babies might like it, I think it depends on the situation. But if it's possible, I will make it happen. 

Using a floor bed was a great way to have this feeding method in our lives because I would just lay next to the floor bed on a cushy fleece blanket and feed my child. 

I am in no way saying it is okay to fall asleep like this, in fact, I think that would be super dangerous if you are on one same uneven surface. There is however, nothing stopping you from relaxing while you are laying down. There are no pillows to arrange, or a comfortable chair to find. There are no muscle aches involved from supporting your child's body in a position conducive to breastfeeding. 

No One Told Me I Would Be Dreading Stopping Breastfeeding

I remember the first few months after I stopped breastfeeding my first child. Everything became better and easier. It was easier preparing for daycare. Then, my day was easier at work because I did not have to break to pump nor judge my food intake. It was easier going places with a bottle or a sippy cup without worrying about finding a quiet corner or a private room. 

I was thinking the second time around would be similar. And again, I was surprised I did not want to move on. I did not want to have easier mornings, better days at work, or easier planning. 

I know that the time is going to come soon enough, but this year has taken my sense of chronological order away from COVID-19 and personal chaos of adjusting to being a family of four. Stopping breastfeeding at the one year mark would force me to admit that my baby is no longer a baby but a toddler. Toddling onward to his next chapter towards independence.

No One Told Me Pumps Would Just Break

A pump is a working breastfeeding Mama's best friend. And I thought that it was a technology mainly free of hiccups. 

Well, I am four pumps in. 

I used the first two while breastfeeding my first baby and now I went through two more with my new one. And it is not the pump's fault by any means. They had just worked really hard. 

 

Not All Pumping At Work is the Same

While I think it would be nice is every working and nursing parent received a safe and relaxing space to pump at work, this simply is not the case across many states. Some parents have even stopped breastfeeding their children because the logistics of pumping at work just didn't work out. 

I have pumped in bathrooms, in restaurants, in designated nursing rooms, in my office, in conference rooms, in my car, and in storage closets.

It is rough out there and you have to adjust. It might mean you have to carry spare batteries because there being no plug, or it might mean just manually expressing milk if a pump is not an option at all.